Whatever your reason was for hiring that coach, don’t make yourself wrong for it

I am smart at business. 

I make smart business decisions. 

I make smart decisions, period. 

Every decision I make is smart, 

and is always in alignment with 

where I desire to go and 

who I desire to be.

A friend shared something with me the other day, something she’d heard her coach discuss, which was essentially to not make yourself wrong for any business or growth-based decision you’ve made and subsequently regretted because you’re telling yourself now, in hindsight, that it was a “bad” decision.

In particular, don’t make yourself wrong for the decision you made to hire that coach/program/mentor/consultant.

A decision you made which likely meant you invested your hard-earned cash, inheritance, or savings in to that coach/program/mentor/consultant,

A decision which you look back on now, from your viewpoint today, realising it didn’t get you the results you’d hoped it would – or worse, that you’d been promised it would – and that the coach/program/mentor/consultant you’d invested in to support you with your business was clearly “wrong” for you in some way or another.

And that, on reflection, you’d clearly made that “wrong” decision from a place of scarcity, fear or lack because of where you were – energetically, financially etc – at the time you made the decision.

And, damn it, if only you’d not been so dumb, so desperate, so fearful, so lacking, so scared, it would have all been fine – because you would have known that this coach/program/mentor/consultant was no good for you, and you wouldn’t have hired them to begin with.

Silly you! Why weren’t you smarter? Why were you so desperate? Why didn’t you just think? Oh, weren’t you so “wrong”.

I’ve been there. Most of my friends in the coaching and self-development space have been there. 

If you’re an entrepreneur, if you desire to grow and expand in any capacity, and whether professionally-speaking or for personal reasons (or both) you’re interested in self-improvement, I bet you’ve been there too.

There is a 2-year period in particular, for myself personally, where I invested a lot into external support for my business, and of which I spent a lot of time regretting the decisions and the investments I made.

I berated myself for the “wrong” decision I made to hire that coach. 

I regretted investing thousands on a mastermind run by a very well-known female-led brand, where, looking back in hindsight, standing on my mountain peak (oh-so-wise), looking down at past me, I wondered what on God’s green Earth possessed me? 

What was I thinking? What was wrong with me?

And, the worst of it, whilst looking-back-in-hindsight, was knowing, honestly, that even in the midst of working with these coaches, I knew they weren’t right for me. Something within me just knew.

I knew it and yet I kept going anyway.

I knew it and yet I threw more money at them, or afterwards at others, hoping it’d fix the problem, hoping it would correct the “wrong” decision.

Hoping that the others I subsequently hired, following each “bad” decision, would now be a “right” decision.

And that I just had to find the “right” coach, and it’d fix all the “bad” I’d done.

It’s pretty unnecessary now, to sit there, looking back in hindsight, spending even more time and energy berating yourself for those decisions. You did enough of that at the time it happened. And it was just as unnecessary then as it is now.

There is no need to prolong the pain you felt for making that “bad” decision – to cause yourself further suffering by deciding to make yourself wrong for it in the process. This is a pattern of turning guilt into shame. I did wrong, so, I am wrong. Which is a conversation for another day.

You see, even if you were in a place of lack or fear or scarcity at the time you made the decision – which I think, truthfully, is a reason we often give ourselves, in hindsight, to explain why we made those “wrong” decisions, because we think it somehow justifies it in some way, or it soothes us to think “well, I’m not in that place now and so it wouldn’t happen again”, “I’m no longer operating from a place of fear or lack or scarcity so I wouldn’t invest from that space which would lead to any further “wrong” decisions” – but the fact of the matter is – you simply did what you knew at the time to do; to help you, to help you reach your goals, and to help you grow your business.

You simply did what you thought was best to do, at the time you did it, armed with whatever knowledge you had at the time – in particular, the knowledge you had of yourself, and of your business; of yours and its needs. 

You can choose to acknowledge and accept that you didn’t know then what you know now. You didn’t understand then what you understand now.

And you only know what you know now, and you only understand what you understand now, because of what you did and didn’t know, and what you did and didn’t understand then. 

And you only know and understand these things now because of the growth you’ve experienced and the lessons you’ve made along the way, because of the decisions you made.

And in 5 years time you can bet that you’ll know even more then, than what you know now – you’ll know yourself more. And that’s a truly beautiful thing. It’s kind of the whole point. 

I don’t know if it’s a case of: you had to make those decisions to learn those lessons, which got you here – perhaps it is – or perhaps it’s simply just: you did your best at the time, and you did what you could at the time.

Whatever mindset you were in, whatever situation you were in, you did what you could with what you had. 

And you did that for you.

You did all that for you.

Because you love you enough to try.

Because you care about you enough to try.

Because you want to grow, to learn, to evolve.

And you will continue to do what you can with what you have. For those very same reasons.

It is never wrong.

You are never wrong.

We need to stop making ourselves wrong – for a lot of things truthfully – but in particular for decisions we made to invest in ourselves and our growth.

There is no “wrong”. There are no “bad” decisions when it comes to your growth. The very nature of who we are will see us making future decisions to invest in ourselves, again and again and again – and we don’t want to become fearful of doing so.

Please instead thank that past version of yourself, and the future version of yourself, for always doing what she believes she needs to do, for you.

Believe and trust in yourself – believe and trust that any decisions you make always come from a place of wanting the very best for yourself – from a place of wanting to grow and expand and be better – to be better for yourself and for your clients.

So give yourself grace. Show yourself compassion. Celebrate the decisions you made then that got you here today. Congratulate and thank that version of yourself who made the decisions she made. 

Damn, she was brave and she was smart.

I love you x